|
i was hoping to donate blood Thursday morning, and worked hard to make it happen after unfavorable blood tests i got back in November led my doctor to suggest that my donations might be compromising my health. So i prayed, and followed my doctor’s advice by taking a round of iron supplements and slowing down the pace of my donations. Then i scheduled my next donation for early February, scheduled a new set of blood tests and another doctor visit just before it, and prayed that the new results would show i had enough iron in my blood and body to donate safely.
But stuff happened that threatened to keep me from attending the blood drive. Through more prayer God helped me find a work around. Then, after my doctor reviewed the new lab work, she said everything looked good and i was cleared to donate more blood! The morning of the blood drive was really busy, so i got up early and answered fifty-five online questions to qualify me to donate. But i still wasn’t sure i should give blood, because i was jet-lagged from spending forty hours nonstop in planes and airports, and my body clock was reeling from a fifteen-hour time change. “Donate blood today,” i heard in the spirit. During an uphill bike ride, i thanked God that i found the strength to pedal higher than i had two days earlier, when i’d collapsed on the pavement, dizzy and exhausted. Still i questioned whether it was wise for me to donate when i was so worn down. Experience has taught me that when i ignore those warning signs my health takes a hit. “I am with you, whatever you decide,” i heard in the spirit. That was different than what i’d heard earlier. Was God telling me to donate, or was He giving me the freedom to choose? Since He isn’t double-minded, i knew that one of those two voices wasn’t His. So i prayed, asking Him what was up. i remembered that although i’ve been donating blood for years and i’m trying to follow God in everything i do, not once had God ever told me to give blood. That doesn’t mean that giving blood isn’t His best for me. After all, didn’t Jesus give His blood for me? Why, then, should i not give my blood for Him? Not that my gift compares to His, because it doesn’t. But it is a tangible way i can thank Him for what He’s done for me, and i know He sees my heart in that and honors it. He honors it by never telling me to do it. He lets my donations be my gift to Him, not something i feel obligated to do. So who, then, told me to donate? It must have been a religious spirit, i concluded, trying to smear me with contaminated motives. The spirit that insists i donate is trying to make my donations about me. But they’re not. They’re about God’s goodness and faithfulness. i’m not trying to prove anything by donating blood; all i’m trying to do is thank God for all He’s done for me! During my ride, God was signaling to me that i was free to give blood whatever way i thought best. I didn’t think it was best to donate when i felt so worn down, so i thanked God for promising to bless whatever i decided to do and i shelved my plans to donate. But that didn’t sit well with me, because there wasn’t going to be another local blood drive for two months, and that next one conflicted with our plans to visit family overseas. So if i wanted to donate before next summer, i would have to drive a couple hours roundtrip to a donation center, or wait until i was near one to give blood. i couldn’t recall any plans i had that would lead me near a blood center during operating hours. But while i was praying about that i got a text reminding me of a meeting next week that was just fifteen minutes from a blood center. So i went online and repeatedly tried to schedule an appointment there, but i couldn’t get the system to confirm the date and time i needed, even though it was available. So again i surrendered everything to God. Although i figured i could drop into the blood center without an appointment, yesterday morning i tried the scheduling system one more time, and this time it worked. Now i have an actual appointment. What a huge amount of work it’s taken to keep moving forward with such a simple thing! Yet i still don’t know if i will actually donate, because my body clock is still whacko and my sleeplessness is leaving me fatigued. In the middle of the night while i was still in bed but fully awake, God and i began pondering together the parts of the gospel about trials. The more verses He brought to mind, the more i realized that trials aren’t just a part of the gospel; they’re at the very center of the gospel. For the gospel is Jesus living in us, and He chooses to live in us as He did in His own flesh two thousand years ago, as the Christ. Fortunately most of us won’t die on a cross, but Jesus demands that every one of us take up our own. And the Bible says that For unto you it has been granted, not only to believe in Him, but suffer for Him. Philippians 1:29 paraphrase So i’ve stopped expecting that just because i’m doing stuff for the Lord, it will be easy. i’ve begun accepting that precisely because i’m doing stuff for the Lord, some things might prove hard. The enemy wants me to believe that hardship is a sign i’ve strayed off the path. But it’s more likely a sign that i’m in the center of God’s will, because the Lord’s will is Christ. To live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21 So in the middle of the night i surrendered my body clock to the Lord. He helped me see that, since i’ve now been home ten days, i can’t attribute my sleeplessness to mere jet lag. But oddly enough, i found that thought very reassuring. For if it’s an attack i’m enduring, i know my deliverer. And if it’s a health issue i’m battling, i know my healer. Or if it’s some other malaise i’m experiencing, i know my savior. And i’m so, so grateful that Jesus likewise knows me! Jesus will continue to save, heal and deliver me, as He has so many times before. And as I fix my eyes on Him, He will accomplish whatever He chooses to do through me, big or small, easy or hard. My part is to keep praying and keep stepping in the direction He leads. And to keep praising Him no matter what. Not just because He’s answering my prayers, but simply because He is so good, kind and faithful!
0 Comments
Three days ago i chose to fast from my devices for a few hours. It began after Pilates, while i was sitting in a big chair overlooking our backyard, and i pondered the idols i typically hold in my hands.
The makers of our phones and tablets intentionally designed them so we would depend upon them for everything. We use them to see, to hear, to think and even to pray. They remind us of things, give us insight about things, and are increasingly becoming the main way we connect with people and the world. They have become the main lens through which we see ourselves and others, and are powerfully shaping what we believe and how we think and act. Now our devices are training us to talk and listen to them like we talk and listen to humans. The more we submit to them, the more we treat our devices not just as a person, but as God – the source and fulfillment of all things. Many of us who call ourselves Christians already abide in our devices way more faithfully than we abide in Jesus. We depend upon them, spend time with them, are guided by them and engage with others and the world through them, way more extensively than we do so with God. In ancient times God was extremely offended by carved blocks of wood His people made that took His place in their hearts and lives. These days the devices we cling to are way more intimate and powerful than any of the idols our ancestors crafted, and that cannot possibly sit well with God! That device-free morning while i was abiding in His Spirit, i pondered some of those places in the Bible where God calls us to turn toward Him. Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:1-3 As i actually began to do that, my heart and my mind were filled with His. i looked at my trials, and the trials of His beloved, through the lens of my faith, and my thoughts and my prayers soon came into alignment with His tenderly victorious heart! But then i strayed, by imagining all sorts of things i could do when my heavenly time ended and my devices were back in my hands. Realizing i was getting ahead of myself and leaping far ahead of God, i tried to imagine what i could do to keep my device-free momentum rolling forward. i didn’t realize i was falling into legalism; i thought i was simply imagining how i might do various things without using my phone or tablet. But through that line of thinking i had unwittingly lowered my gaze from heaven to earth, and my thoughts and my prayers fell out of alignment with God’s. On my way into the kitchen i passed our little grandfather clock, which began chiming out of synch with the time on its face. “That’s odd,” i mused, consulting the time on the microwave. “The grandfather clock’s hands point to the right time, but it’s chime is seven minutes late.” Yet both had been in synch an hour earlier when our exercise session had ended. The chime continued to sound seven minutes late for another hour or two, until i finished a brief walk around the block. When i came back inside, i picked up my phone just as the clock struck noon, which the time on the clock’s face also showed. Both the chime and the time had come back in synch with my phone. “God, this isn’t a coincidence, is it?” i asked. “You are in this, aren’t You?” “I Am,” He smiled, without saying anything more. When i shared what had happened with Karen, she suggested i adjust the dials on the back of the clock. But that didn’t make sense, because there wasn’t any way to adjust the chime apart from the time. And besides, the chime had already adjusted itself. When i shared what had happened with a friend, he quickly observed that seven is a Biblical number. “Oh that’s right!” i exclaimed. “i wonder what it means?” Part of me wanted to Google the Biblical significance of seven, but another part of me considered that out of bounds. If the riddle was about living beyond my devices, how could it be solved by consulting my devices? i knew God had something He wanted to show me, so i asked Him to solve the riddle. “I will,” He smiled, again without offering a clue. Though both parts of the clock were still agreeing with each other when i went to bed that night, i was still scratching my head over what had happened. i concluded the riddle must have something to do with abiding in heavenly time. But there had to be more than i understood, so again i pressed into God. The next morning, after admiring the picture of his newborn a buddy had just texted me, i put down my phone and got up to make Karen some coffee. Though it was already past nine it was still a tad dark, so i detoured into the dining room to raise the blinds. Just then the grandfather clock chimed – seven minutes again off schedule! Because the clock was just inches from my ear, it felt like God Himself was tapping me on the shoulder, and that filled my heart with joy! i laughed and i laughed and then i laughed some more, because God was fully present with me in the moment and i knew He was teaching me something profound, in a delightfully creative way. Yet i couldn’t put what He was saying into words, and the more i tried to define it the more it became apparent that my heart was out of synch with His. Which, given the seven minute lapse between the chime and the time, suggested our disconnect was the missing clue! But only after i fully repented from my impatience by waiting upon Him was i able to hear what He was saying. And that took a lot longer – three days longer - than i expected or preferred. Here’s the gist of what God eventually said: My ways aren’t your ways and the world’s timing isn’t Mine. You shouldn’t be surprised that time shifts when you lay down your devices, for I have already spoken to you about that - you must slow down to speed up! The more you follow Me into secret places the more you’ll find yourself out of synch with the world and everything it. But that doesn’t mean you’re falling behind; it means that your heart and mind are catching up with Mine. For time is your servant, as it is Mine. When you abide in My heart, what you hear won’t always jive with what you see. Yet you hear clearly because you live by faith in My voice. So trust your ears and I will give you the eyes of My heart. For I don’t look at what people look at; I look at people’s hearts. By abiding in Me you’ll see through My eyes, pray in My Spirit and love as I love, even when you have no words. Praise God that i’m finally hearing Him clearly again, and He didn’t leave me to my own devices! And praise Jesus all the more, that He’s still teaching me to obey what He says! All night long the Holy Spirit has been singing the song Above All into me.
Above all powers, above all thrones Above all wonders the world has ever known Above all wealth and treasures of the earth There’s no way to measure what Your worth 1 It’s a wonderful song, full of the Biblical truth that the One Who is above all became nothing to save us from our sin. But some worship leaders won’t sing it, because of how it ends. Like a rose trampled on the ground You took the fall And thought of me Above all It’s an enticing lyric, because on the cross Jesus definitely thought of me. He thought enough of us all, in fact, to forgive our sin and make a place for us in the Father’s house and heart! That’s the gospel, and it’s definitely for us, but it’s not about us. What’s truly amazing about the gospel is the incredible way it reveals the love of the Father and the devotion of the Son. No one loves like the Father, Who gave His son for us all. And no one is devoted like the Son, Who forsook the world and even His own flesh to enthrone Himself in our hearts. That’s what Philippians Chapter 2 declares: because He Who was in very nature God became nothing and submitted Himself to death on a cross, His name is exalted above all others! i’m not above all; Jesus is. Yes, He loves me dearly, like no one else does. But that’s only amazing if it’s about Him. So as He sang this song throughout my night, the Holy Spirit and i changed the ending to conform it to the gospel. Like a rose trampled on the ground You took the fall Then took Your place Above all God can make a change like that because He wrote the song. Whoever its human authors were, i’m certain they got their content from God, Who is the only one Who reveals Jesus to be our Christ. 2 So what about that one errant line? Maybe that was the enemy, playing His favorite game, making God’s work about us. Or maybe that was God, giving Satan a little wiggle room to deceive even the elect, if that were possible. 3 Why would God do such a thing? To test our faith, i suspect. Not to see if we stumble, because He already knows every heart. But to cause us to stumble, because that’s how Jesus sometimes works in us, as the Christ. As it is written: "See, I lay in Zion a stone that causes people to stumble and a rock that makes them fall, and the one who believes in Him will never be put to shame." 4 For His name sake Christ’s Spirit leads us into valleys so dark that we stumble around, just trying to figure out which way is up. 5 But praise God because when we cry out to Him, He shows us that He is there. He calms our jittery nerves by reassuring us it’s going to be OK, because He is the one Who handed us our crosses, and they’re not about us; they’re about Him. It’s impossible to carry a cross without stumbling. If anyone knows that, it’s Jesus. Even He as a mere man needed help to carry His cross all the way to Calvary. 6 If anyone doesn’t stumble, He has no need for help, or the outstretched hand of our Savior. That man has it so together that he’s tempted to think that the works of God are all about Him. Yet to him Jesus might someday say, “I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoer!” 7 In Jesus’s heart and mind, the work of God is to believe in Him. 8 If we love that way, by depending upon Him, we will yield lasting fruit. 9 But if our fruit is all about us, it will go up in flames. 10 So i’m pretty certain Jesus loves that song, especially the last part which makes some of His beloved queasy. “Just checking,” i imagine Him saying with a wink, “which gospel you’re believing: the one about you, or the one about Me?” 1 Above All by Paul Baloche and Lenny LeBlanc 2 Matthew 16:17 3 Matthew 24:24 4 Romans 9:33 5 Psalm 23:3-5 6 Luke 23:26 7 Matthew 7:23b 8 John 6:29 9 Matthew 7:16-17 10 1 Corinthians 3:13-15 One morning last week while i was having breakfast at a local truck stop, i heard this word from the Lord:
The world says you get what you pay for, but God says you get what you pray for. So pray with confidence, because Jesus already paid for everything you’re bargaining for. What a great word! It was so good that God began confirming it even before He spoke it to me. It happened when i woke up one day unable to breathe out of the left side of my nose because my nasal passage was plugged. i considered that strange since i didn’t have a cold, so i told my sinus to clear in Jesus’s name. Within about a half an hour i was healed, and i shared that story with a buddy when he called me later that same morning. He was really encouraged by my testimony and used it to strengthen his own faith, since he also had a plugged nose, which we likewise told to be cleared, in Jesus’s name! Yesterday my buddy confirmed that he also was healed by faith, but he had to contend for it for a couple more days before his nose was finally cleared. His condition was worse than mine - his nose was bloody - and that tempted him to fear, because he smoked for years and that left him susceptible to respiratory ailments and whenever there’s blood he tends to think the worse. But he recognized it was an attack and received my testimony as the truth and persevered to receive the victory God had prepared for him in Christ! Faith is our victory, and when we walk in faith healing becomes way more contagious than disease! Christ is our healing and our faith, and on the cross He defeated everything that stands against us! For we are covered by His blood and that gives us victory in every battle. When we surrender to Jesus every battle becomes His, and He wins His battles one hundred percent of the time!! Last night Karen and i watched a movie called Moms Night Out, a comedy about women seeking a break from the relentless demands of parenting. It’s considered a Christian movie, probably because it was made by folks who make that type of film, and it was remarkably free of bad language, sexual innuendo or twisted references to addictive substances or lifestyle choices that make most Hollywood movies impossible for me to watch. The characters were well developed - not just the principal ones but also the supporting ones - the acting was great, and it was really funny in an almost slapstick way, without ever becoming crude. So there was a lot to recommend it, and i imagine most Christians who watch it would be pleased with their choice.
But apparently that movie wasn’t good for me, because last night after i went to bed i was fidgety for hours. i got attacked with an ungodly dream - one i’d experienced before - and this morning i have a severe bout of tinnitus. All those signs suggest the movie might have been too worldly for me. Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. 1 John 2:15 God wants to be my refuge from the stresses of life, and He doesn’t want me to find my refuge in the world. There are times, of course, when i need a break from my routine, but what my spirit-man craves is peace, stillness and rest, not a night on the town. The movie, on the other hand, infected me with a worldly spirit, and i can literally hear it; it sounds like the high-frequency buzz you might hear if you get too close to a high-voltage transmission line. For me, there’s powerful tension in the spiritual atmosphere surrounding that movie, and it’s unnerving to my soul. Fortunately, the more i focus on God the more the tension dissipates, like a hangover dissolves when a healing remedy is applied. i’m grateful for that - that God is my refuge and my healer, and He leads me to choose Him over counterfeits that don’t satisfy. For God says, “Be wise about what is good and simple about what is evil.” 1 In other words, God is good, staying filled with Him is best, and whatever lacks faith in Him is evil! 2 i’m grateful for the sensitivity the Father is growing in me, which enables me to cherish His amazing heart and give Him the honor He is due. Since He is Spirit i’m sensitive to all things spiritual - the good, the bad and the ugly - and it’s fitting that i suffer the consequences of my poor choices, because i should know better. By His grace i do know better, and so this morning i asked for His forgiveness, and received it. Thank You, Jesus! Yet God didn’t stop there, by just forgiving me; He redeemed my error to raise anew the life of His Son in me! For throughout the past couple of weeks, as i prayed for many people, “Today, when you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts,” 3 i myself struggled with a hardened heart. It surfaced in my inability to focus on God - to fix my eyes on Jesus - while i worship Him. Even after i had repented from failing to do what He had called me to do - to take up my instrument and play - i struggled to actually make my worship of Him to be about Him. Instead i kept focusing on how i was singing and how i was playing my keyboard, which didn’t seem very good to me, and it certainly wasn’t getting any better by trying to do better. It was classic wretchedness - the good i wanted to do i didn’t do, but the evil i didn’t want to do, i kept on doing. 4 Over the past week, as i wrestled with not even wanting to pick up my keyboard because the way i was using it to worship was painful to me and to God, i confessed my battle to God, although not very adequately my sin. Praise God that He met me where i was at - in that downcast, Psalm 42 sort of place - and redeemed me from the pit i was wallowing in! Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits - Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, Who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Psalms 103:1-5 This morning after i wrote this piece about my descent into worldliness and the tinnitus it triggered, i wanted to thank God for forgiving me, and this time when i picked up my instrument and played, it was different. This time i was more able to praise God with a sincere heart and not focus so much on my singing or playing. This time i didn’t try so hard to perform the music as it was written, but i found a style more suitable to my heart and ability. i stayed in the lower octave most of the time, and only took it up a notch at the end, when i was feeling it and my vocal chords were ready to sing it, and it turned out pretty good. It wasn’t perfect, of course, but i didn’t care so much about that today; i just wanted to express my love to God and thank Him for being so good to me. Isn’t that amazing - how just as that psalm says, He redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with with love and compassion? My Spirit-man is truly renewed today, and my heart is soaring into heavenly realms, just as i sang! I choose this day to be grateful, Lord I give You praise with an open heart I'm waking up to heaven I'm waking up to You For always being good, thank You For Your mercies that are new, thank You In Spirit and in truth, thank You I’m telling You thank You 5 1 Romans 16:19 2 Romans 14:23 3 Hebrews 3:16 4 Romans 7:19 5 You and You Alone by Upperroom Yesterday afternoon i decided to get some cardio by riding my bike uphill. It wasn’t ideal conditions - it was cold and overcast - and i really wanted to just lie down and take a nap, but i hadn’t had any cardio the previous two days, and i wasn’t likely to get any cardio today, because it’s Sunday, so i decided to do it because my body needed the workout, even though all i felt like i needed was a nap.
The ride was grueling every pedal stroke of the way, not because i was out of shape or in pain or the physical circumstances were hard, but because my flesh was strong, the Spirit was ebbing and my fleshly man didn’t want to exercise. My eyes were shut much of the ride - i only opened them to make certain i wasn’t running off the road or to be aware of nearby cars - and so my way forward was slow and super wobbly. By closing my eyes i was hoping to focus on God, instead of the world around me, but by closing my eyes i ended up focusing too much on my body, which kept screaming “No!” Yet i kept pedaling, and as i headed up, i kept thinking about how lazy i was. And then near the end as i approached my goal, i repeatedly thanked Jesus that the worst of my ordeal was over. When i got home i stripped down, took a shower and collapsed on the bed. Much later, in the middle of the night, i began wondering why my ride had been so hard. The Spirit still seems to be ebbing today, so i don’t have lots of revelation, but here is what i’ve been able to piece together so far. Calling myself lazy wasn’t good. First, because a friend and i are doing a negativity fast, and thinking of myself as lazy is definitely negative. But also because it isn’t Biblically true. The Biblical truth is that i can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.1 And when i’m weak, i’m strong.2 So i don’t focus on how my flesh is feeling, but i fix my eyes on Jesus, Who for the joy set before Him endured His cross.3 He is my joy, and He is enough! Because of Him, i’m a new creation! That old man is gone and i’m now filled with Christ!4 Even when the Spirit is ebbing i’m filled with Jesus, and because He is my faith, even the tiniest bit of Him is enough to cast a whole mountain of lethargy into the sea!5 None of those verses came to mind while i was riding yesterday because i had failed to pray. Had i confessed my weakness to God and asked Him to strengthen me, surely He would have done so and i would be journaling today about my victory instead of my failure. Because i failed to engage Father, Son and Spirit in my weakness, i fell into striving. Any time i start thinking of myself as lazy it’s a sure sign i’ve fallen into striving and i’m relying upon fleshly willpower to move forward. Because my natural man is very determined, that’s easy to do. The world calls it a strength but from a Biblical point of view it’s a weakness because it tempts me to rely upon my natural gifting instead of relying upon God. Anything that works against depending upon God is sheer pride and must go to the cross. This is the word of the Lord to Rob: “Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,” says the Lord Almighty. "What are you, mighty mountain? Before Rob you will become level ground. Then will arise Christ the cornerstone, to shouts of ‘God bless! God bless!’” Zechariah 4:6b-7 paraphrase The Word of the Lord! Praise Him! 1 Philippians 4:13 2 2 Corinthians 12:10 3 Hebrews 12:2 4 2 Corinthians 5:17 5 Matthew 17:20 Back home in the USA, the seating of a new president is creating quite a stir. But here in Southeast Asia where i’ve now been for the better part of a week, i’m reminded of what’s truly important.
i’m in Cambodia, working mostly with the locals here on an outreach team which is bringing Jesus's message of love and mercy to a people who are hungry to receive it. Meeting Jesus is life changing for many Khmer, because in the 1970’s millions of them were slaughtered in a ruthless genocide that attempted to quash anything and everything that was opposed to the totalitarian authority of the state. Many of the elders we are now meeting - almost always in their tin-roofed, open-walled homes - are personal survivors of the genocide, as are several members of our team. So the struggle against tyranny is very personal to them. But there is also a profound humility and eagerness to embrace Jesus's ways, because the notion of mercy is so foreign to Khmer culture that there isn't even a word for forgiveness in the language. While that definitely presents some challenges, it also offers a wonderful opportunity, because mere words will never suffice. The only way to communicate mercy is to be mercy. And when we manage to do that, human souls open like lotus blossoms, because the craving for mercy - for the kind of mercy Jesus brought, which wasn't primarily with words but with compassion and power - is so core that it transcends culture and satisfies the deepest longings of our hearts. How transforming is Christ's mercy! A couple of days ago i rode to the villages on the back of a moto driven by a guy who as a young man was an officer in the Khmer Rouge, and who continued to oppose Christ's mercy for decades after that bloody reign ended. More recently - for ten years after his wife met Jesus - he repeatedly burned every Bible she brought home. But she asked her Lord to show her husband mercy, and the entire local church joined her in those pleas, and Jesus answered. He underwent a radical change in his heart, and Jesus did in him something akin to how He once transformed Saul into Paul. The terrorist became an evangelist, and now that same man spends every day returning to his village and neighboring places, humbly serving as the hands and feet of Christ! He now has a gentle demeanor and a tender heart. And last year, when he and his wife rededicated their marriage to Jesus, his wife wept. "I have a new husband!" she exclaimed to everyone within earshot, tears streaming down her face. Only Jesus does things like that! Mere politics can never reach that deep into human souls. Political movements come and go - they toss and turn like waves in the sea - but the love of God revealed in the face of Christ endures forever! Jesus refuses to be enthroned in Washington or any other worldly place, despite the best-laid plans of well-meaning reformers. The only throne Jesus has ever coveted, and the only throne worthy of Him, is your heart, my heart, and the ones who are working against us. You cannot serve both God and money. Matthew 6:24b
On Saturday night, i got really upset when i had to pay fifteen bucks more than i usually do to fill up my gas tank, because all the cheaper options didn’t work out. The next morning i was convicted that money had become an idol to me, yet i wasn’t really in a heart-space to pray into that, even though i was filled with the Spirit. Last night, however, when God gently reminded me of that conviction, i was able to more adequately confess my sin, including my disobedience, idolatry, greed, hardened heart, hypocrisy, unfaithfulness, and inclination to find my security in the world rather than in God, among many other things. A lot of what i confessed stems from my longstanding habit of amassing wealth, as my dad had taught me to do. While the world commends that trait, what’s wise in its eyes is foolish to God. Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21 This was one of many Bible passages that really spoke to me when i started following Jesus. So i soon exchanged high-stakes careers in business and government for the opportunity to hang out with teens. In less than a year, i had also given up my ministry salary as well. Yet God kept blessing our finances, and we were able to live comfortably without dipping too far into our savings, while the nest egg we’d built when i wasn’t tracking with Jesus continued to grow. Eventually, i began asking God to help Karen and i resist the temptation to use our savings to serve ourselves, and lead us to devote them to His purposes. Seven years later God answered my prayer by giving me a prophetic dream. i saw a woman holding an earthen globe embedded with checks made out to me that weren’t mine. i knew that she wanted me to use that money to build God’s kingdom. Although she was offering me a wonderful gift, i didn’t want anything to do with it and i was offended that she was pointing at me. i knew that i had the ability to do what she was asking, but i didn’t know what was to be built. The pastor who interpreted my dream said that the woman was an angel or the Holy Spirit, and God was making riches available through me to build His kingdom. Over the last fifteen years, the truth in that dream has continued to be revealed and fulfilled, so that now Karen and i are positioned to support the advancement of God’s kingdom around the world, beyond what most believers can do. And in the future we hope to do even more. How amazing is our God, that He would transform my ungodly habit of amassing wealth into godly opportunities to advance His kingdom in the hearts of His beloved! But the incredible work God is doing to redeem my wayward habits doesn’t justify their ungodliness. So last night, for the first time, i repented from making excuses for my sin because it had generational roots or because God was turning it into a blessing. i stopped ducking accountability for my worldliness and accepted full responsibility for my sinful heart and actions. Perhaps most importantly, i confessed my inability to effect the change i needed and asked God to do what i could not. After i had repented as fully as i knew how to do, i fell asleep and had a godly dream, which i haven’t had in a long time. i don’t recall the full extent of it, except a part where i confidently shared with someone, who wasn’t yet following Jesus, how kind God had been to me: how faithfully His Spirit had kept praying for me, how tenderly Jesus had kept bathing me in His meekness, and how lovingly the Father had kept forgiving me, for many decades while i continued to reject them all! i awoke feeling very encouraged, because i realized that although i had resisted Jesus’s teachings about money and had indulged in idolatrous ways for a very long time, by God’s grace and Jesus’s blood i’ve now moved past those ways, and the battle for that last corner of my soul had been won! i was again positioned to entertain heavenly dreams that weren’t about me but about Jesus and His heart for the family of God. And as i put my hope in Jesus, my heart overflowed with joy and peace, reflecting the spirit of this blessed season. i wish that money-related trials were now behind me, but i don’t think that’s true. i still live in a world where money is worshipped, and i’m still going to be challenged to discern God’s leading in matters of finance, when there are so many forces at work pulling in every conceivable direction. And i will continue to be tested in the realm of travel, where the twin strongholds of money and time are so entrenched that simply making reservations often feels like a dark valley to me. Yet sin no longer rules me, because Jesus has set me free! And when He set me free, i became free indeed! Romans 6:14, John 8:36 Last night in the jail i was blessed to spend an hour with ten new friends who were doing their best to count their blessings. One of them was thankful that his court appearance had been rescheduled, because he’d been scheming to pick a fight with the judge.
“So you’re grateful to walk in humility,” i replied, offering him more grace than his words deserved. How often has Jesus done similar things for me! For almost fifty years Jesus had pounded on my door, while i had acted like nobody was home. But on the day of my salvation i finally opened the door and found in Him the humility i could never have mustered on my own. This man was at a similar age, in a similar process. Not exactly the same, because he loves to fight, while i don’t. Last night the bully in him smelled the pacifist in me, and wasted no time attacking it. “Jesus ain’t no pacifist!” he sneered. “Jesus said that He didn’t come to bring peace, but a sword,” i nodded. i wished that i had added that the weapons Jesus fights with are not of this world, and carry divine power to demolish strongholds that keep us from knowing Him. But that verse didn’t come to mind. Love, joy, peace, patience and kindness - these are what Jesus fights with! When He lives that way in us, His enemies are destroyed; our kindness pours burning coals on Satan’s head! These thoughts also only came to mind in the middle of the night, while i was pondering all the things i could have said, but didn’t. i did manage to say that Jesus’s victories are very different than the world’s. When He died He won, and His resurrection proved it. And now He is raising Himself from the dead in us! “Jesus isn’t dead!” my friend sneered. That one really threw me for a loop, because it’s true. Maybe he understood the gospel better than i did, i mused. Only later, in the middle of the night, did i remember that Christ was in certain respects entombed in each us, as He was in his own grave, until the appointed hour of our resurrection. “Why couldn’t i bring those thoughts to mind, last night while i was in the jail?” i wondered. “It wasn’t My will,” the Father said, reading my mind. “I didn’t want you to be right. I wanted you to be nothing.” That hit me like a ton of bricks, yet still took awhile to sink in. As i ponder it now, i realize that it reflects a couple of things His Spirit did lead me say last night. “Although Jesus was in very nature God, He made Himself nothing.” Because my friend was itching for a fight, i had also read When they hurled their insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead, He entrusted himself to Him Who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:23 And that, as it turns out, was how Jesus had opted to live last night in me. He didn’t want me to defend myself or what i believed; each time that man cut me down in front of the others, He wanted me to turn the other cheek and bear it. i wanted to speak wise and persuasive words, but He wanted me to respond in weakness, fear and trembling. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. 1 Corinthians 1:25 It didn’t concern God that i did a poor job of quoting that verse last night, i now realize, because He wasn’t really leading me to speak it, but to live it. “Last night turned out exactly as I had envisioned!” God beamed. My friend didn’t need another sermon; he needed humility, and that’s what Jesus smeared him with, through me. And so was fulfilled something that had been spoken over me, a year and a half ago God will do way more through my humility than my heroics. Christ’s humility and meekness in me will rout strongholds in others. If i love and forgive lavishly many will be drawn to me, but i must walk in extreme humility and meekness for them to be drawn to Jesus. My weakness is more inspiring to them than my strength. 3/18/23 They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. Hebrews 11:13b
Karen and i just returned from Europe, visiting family in Spain for a couple of weeks in a bit of a whirlwind, then touring southern France for a few days at the end. It sounds like a wonderful vacation, and in some ways it was, but it wasn’t quite the jewel we imagined it to be. We spent six months putting our trip together, planning every day and detail to make it the best we could afford. i used to work in the travel industry and we’ve spent a fair amount of time in Europe, so we carefully designed our itinerary and scheduled our trip to avoid most of the problems that tend to arise when large crowds mix with bad weather. But stuff happens, right? And it did, despite our best laid plans. Our grandkids are young and are still settling into their new home and routines, which tempts them to wrestle with each other more than their faith. We love them dearly and they also love us, so our time together was really precious, yet limited because they’re in school all day and there’s a lot going on in their lives that has little to do with us. After that family time, Karen and i tacked several days onto the end of our trip for just the two of us to enjoy the last days of fall before we returned home. But it didn’t prove to be as relaxing as we had hoped, because she got sick and mostly only took short jaunts away from our hotel room. Then our wonderful flights home fell apart when morning fog socked in Madrid. Every plane was delayed, the pilot of our first plane claimed, except our second plane, which somehow managed to depart half empty and ten minutes early, leaving many of us who’d ran a mile or more to the gate gasping in frustration. We then discovered that one of the world’s largest airports was trying to funnel an entire terminal full of stranded travelers through a single help desk manned by just four people. Because this wasn’t our first rodeo, we immediately tapped U.S.-based phone support to work around that bottleneck, but it still took a half dozen airline staff almost three hours, on the phone and at the gate, to make two simple changes to our reservations. In the process of trying to help us, all those hard-working, highly skilled people failed to update our actual tickets, so at two different airports we were denied boarding while gate agents struggled to correct their mistakes. Had our second plane in Madrid not been saddled with two hours of mechanical issues, we would have missed our replacement flights as well. Yet we ended up praising God because we got through the ordeal relatively unscathed, spending only twelve extra hours at DFW one night, while many of our fellow travelers were rocketed around the U.S. like human pinballs, upending their plans and compounding their delays. As i ponder it all now, God is reminding me of something He said to me four and a half years ago. Do you seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them, for behold I Am bringing adversity on all flesh, says the Lord. But I will give you life as a prize of war, wherever you go. Jeremiah 45:5 paraphrase This verse, God said, applied not only to events occurring during Jeremiah’s lifetime, but to events still unfolding today. We were only a month into the pandemic when He said that, so i thought He was talking about COVID. Maybe He was, but that season has come and gone, yet lots of things haven’t gotten better. That, in turn, reminds me of a t-shirt i saw, which said: NORMAL ISN’T COMING BACK; JESUS IS Perhaps what’s now unfolding is lot bigger than what’s covered in the news. And perhaps what’s happening around me and what’s happening to me, and to my loved ones, isn’t really about us, no matter how personal it might seem to get at times. It’s really about Jesus, as He prepares the world for His return.1 God isn’t tidying up the world, as some folks believe. He’s stirring things up, to squeeze faith out of the very brokenness we all detest. That shouldn’t be news, because it’s hidden in plain sight, all over the Bible.2 Jesus reassured His closest friends that He Himself was their life, and it’s as true for us today as it was for them back then. Jesus was already living as the Christ, on His way to the cross, when He made it really clear that He also intended to live in highly challenging ways through us. On His last night He promised love and joy and peace in the midst of hatred, death and discord. But the blessings He promised us flow from His presence inside us, not from our outward circumstances. Chaos is unavoidable, the inevitable result of a severely broken world. The only way forward is to follow His lead and take up own crosses daily. If instead we seek a work-around - like i tried to do with our recent vacation or as many Christians here in America hoped to do last week at the ballot-box - we may inadvertently build our lives on sand. It’s not wrong to factor the world’s messiness into our personal and political decision-making, but insulating ourselves from chaos doesn’t work because it’s in shady places that Jesus tends to shine, and lots of His dearly beloved are still stumbling around in the dark. Including me, at times! Let me say the same thing in a different way. Jesus longs to fill us with Himself, and with all the boundless love, joy and peace that entails, but the abundant life He offers us is a resurrected one. There’s no resurrection without death, so all of our plans - for ourselves, our loved ones and yes, even our country - must be laid on His altar. Before we surrender, our hopes and dreams mostly tend to be about us. But after He works out our surrender - and as we bear our crosses - what remains of our plans tends to become much more about Him. i’m seeing that play out these days in the life of one of my friends, who’s had a rough go of it lately and is currently living on the streets. Here’s snippets of our recent texts: Kurt: Hope and perseverance are key. Rough but good here. Two of my street friends have redirected their hearts to Christ; one is sober three days and the other, though not as far along, is coming to church. Praying this morning. me: When i asked God what He is teaching you, He showed me that He is leading you to exchange your knowledge about Him for intimacy with Jesus as the Christ. The more you embrace Him, the more your soul becomes welded to His. ❤️🙂 Kurt: Awesome! I am also learning about the time we live in - how to trust Him in spite of my circumstances and find the value He has placed in people, especially in the broken, addicted, downcast and orphaned. It is amazing how much of our troubles and wounding come from our core families and how much our healing and restoration to Christ’s love and promises must come through community and family. Also, when sleeping on the street, use cardboard. And pray in tongues before bed, when you awake and whenever you see His faithfulness in yet another amazing sunrise!! Although i’ve been asking God to help my friend overcome his trials with wisdom and discernment, maybe he is already operating in more of that than i am. For better or worse, he has given up trying to work his way around life’s troubles, and is now routinely encountering Christ in the midst of them. It’s pretty ugly because his is a sizable cross, but there’s no higher ground than calvary! i’m also seeing it play out in a different way through other faithful young friends of mine, whose marriages are under attack. Here is my message to one of them, today: i’ve got a lot of tears in my eyes right now, buddy, just thinking about you. They’re sweet because you’re sweet! Jesus is so pleased with how you’re walking out this battle!! It’s quite a stronghold you are bumping up against, and the only way to get freedom, for you and your wife and for your whole family, is the way you are doing it, trusting in Jesus, one step at a time. The enemy wants to make what’s going on in your marriage about you, and in some ways it is, but mostly it’s not. It’s about Jesus. There are powerful spirits at work that oppose Him and want to take you out, take your marriage out, and we, the modern church, aren’t very well equipped to help you stand firm because we’ve let these spirits that are operating in the world confuse us about who we are as sons and daughters. You are one of many in your generation that God has led to the front lines to resist these spirits and rest in Biblical truth and lay hold of it in your marriages and your lives. We can talk about that truth in terms of identity, in terms of gender, in terms of power and control vs. love and surrender, in terms of mercy vs. judgment, and there is light in all those ways of thinking about it, but in the end the light and truth is Jesus and He is your only dependable way forward. He is working to strengthen and deepen your faith in Him, and as you walk that out the freedom you will experience in the Spirit is available to your wife, and as she taps into it and is likewise strengthened in her faith in Him, the two of you will be drawn back together in a new way, sharing a faith more solidly rooted in Jesus than ever before, because He is fully living as the Christ in you, especially in your marriage. Then the hope each of you still hold for intimacy with each other and with Him will be fulfilled. Jesus is working powerfully in both of you right now, in radically different ways by His Spirit, to free each of you from fear. As you abide in Him, at first individually but eventually together, He is offering you freedom from that stronghold that is so prevalent right now in the world and unfortunately in us His body and church, and ushering you into a purer, simpler and deeper trust in Him rooted in your love for Him that will serve you and Him well for the rest of your lives here on earth. Your hope and your victory is Christ, and through Him the two of you living as one will strengthen others. Through you and many others He is working to prepare His bride for His return. When He returns the world will be a total mess but she will be faithful, a worthy bride for God’s one and only begotten Son, and that’s the main goal the Father is working toward in these last days. You and your own bride are part of His awesome plan to wring love and faithfulness out of doubt and fear, and He will not relent until it is accomplished to His complete satisfaction! Because your hope is in Him, you can rest assured that your future is bright. Were your hope in your own abilities to navigate this trial, you would have much to fear. But Jesus is not afraid and is determined to fully live that way in you. Love you man! So much!! ❤️ And i love the way Jesus is working right now in you and your wife’s lives. It’s not easy to watch because it’s a cross, but Jesus knows all about that, and as you start to get the hang of how to let Him carry yours, He will lighten your loads. He’s not intending for this trial to take you out, or destroy your marriage, but to strengthen you both to live together as one for what lies ahead. More trials lie ahead, but He intends for you to navigate those future trials together, for your good and His glory. May the God of infinite grace and endless patience strengthen you and your loved ones today, for whatever trials you are enduring. May each of you rest assured that because of His lovingkindness, you won’t be consumed, for great is His faithfulness. His compassions never fail, and His mercies are new every morning! 3 1 Luke 18:8 2 Matthew 10:34-39 3 Lamentations 3:22-23 |