blood for blood

i was hoping to donate blood Thursday morning, and worked hard to make it happen after unfavorable blood tests i got back in November led my doctor to suggest that my donations might be compromising my health.  So i prayed, and followed my doctor’s advice by taking a round of iron supplements and slowing down the pace of my donations.  Then i scheduled my next donation for early February, scheduled a new set of blood tests and another doctor visit just before it, and prayed that the new results would show i had enough iron in my blood and body to donate safely.
 
But stuff happened that threatened to keep me from attending the blood drive.  Through more prayer God helped me find a work around.  Then, after my doctor reviewed the new lab work, she said everything looked good and i was cleared to donate more blood!
 
The morning of the blood drive was really busy, so i got up early and answered fifty-five online questions to qualify me to donate.  But i still wasn’t sure i should give blood, because i was jet-lagged from spending forty hours nonstop in planes and airports, and my body clock was reeling from a fifteen-hour time change.
 
“Donate blood today,” i heard in the spirit.
 
During an uphill bike ride, i thanked God that i found the strength to pedal higher than i had two days earlier, when i’d collapsed on the pavement, dizzy and exhausted.  Still i questioned whether it was wise for me to donate when i was so worn down.  Experience has taught me that when i ignore those warning signs my health takes a hit.
 
“I am with you, whatever you decide,” i heard in the spirit.
 
That was different than what i’d heard earlier.  Was God telling me to donate, or was He giving me the freedom to choose?  Since He isn’t double-minded, i knew that one of those two voices wasn’t His.  So i prayed, asking Him what was up.
 
i remembered that although i’ve been donating blood for years and i’m trying to follow God in everything i do, not once had God ever told me to give blood.  That doesn’t mean that giving blood isn’t His best for me.  After all, didn’t Jesus give His blood for me?  Why, then, should i not give my blood for Him?  Not that my gift compares to His, because it doesn’t.  But it is a tangible way i can thank Him for what He’s done for me, and i know He sees my heart in that and honors it.  He honors it by never telling me to do it.  He lets my donations be my gift to Him, not something i feel obligated to do.
 
So who, then, told me to donate?  It must have been a religious spirit, i concluded, trying to smear me with contaminated motives.  The spirit that insists i donate is trying to make my donations about me.  But they’re not.  They’re about God’s goodness and faithfulness.  i’m not trying to prove anything by donating blood; all i’m trying to do is thank God for all He’s done for me!
 
During my ride, God was signaling to me that i was free to give blood whatever way i thought best.  I didn’t think it was best to donate when i felt so worn down, so i thanked God for promising to bless whatever i decided to do and i shelved my plans to donate.  But that didn’t sit well with me, because there wasn’t going to be another local blood drive for two months, and that next one conflicted with our plans to visit family overseas.  So if i wanted to donate before next summer, i would have to drive a couple hours roundtrip to a donation center, or wait until i was near one to give blood.
 
i couldn’t recall any plans i had that would lead me near a blood center during operating hours.  But while i was praying about that i got a text reminding me of a meeting next week that was just fifteen minutes from a blood center.  So i went online and repeatedly tried to schedule an appointment there, but i couldn’t get the system to confirm the date and time i needed, even though it was available.  So again i surrendered everything to God.
 
Although i figured i could drop into the blood center without an appointment, yesterday morning i tried the scheduling system one more time, and this time it worked.  Now i have an actual appointment.   What a huge amount of work it’s taken to keep moving forward with such a simple thing!  Yet i still don’t know if i will actually donate, because my body clock is still whacko and my sleeplessness is leaving me fatigued.
 
In the middle of the night while i was still in bed but fully awake, God and i began pondering together the parts of the gospel about trials.  The more verses He brought to mind, the more i realized that trials aren’t just a part of the gospel; they’re at the very center of the gospel.  For the gospel is Jesus living in us, and He chooses to live in us as He did in His own flesh two thousand years ago, as the Christ.  Fortunately most of us won’t die on a cross, but Jesus demands that every one of us take up our own.  And the Bible says that
 
For unto you it has been granted, not only to believe in Him, but suffer for Him.  Philippians 1:29 paraphrase
 
So i’ve stopped expecting that just because i’m doing stuff for the Lord, it will be easy.  i’ve begun accepting that precisely because i’m doing stuff for the Lord, some things might prove hard.  The enemy wants me to believe that hardship is a sign i’ve strayed off the path.  But it’s more likely a sign that i’m in the center of God’s will, because the Lord’s will is Christ.
 
To live is Christ and to die is gain.  Philippians 1:21
 
So in the middle of the night i surrendered my body clock to the Lord.  He helped me see that, since i’ve now been home ten days, i can’t attribute my sleeplessness to mere jet lag.  But oddly enough, i found that thought very reassuring.  For if it’s an attack i’m enduring, i know my deliverer.  And if it’s a health issue i’m battling, i know my healer.  Or if it’s some other malaise i’m experiencing, i know my savior.  And i’m so, so grateful that Jesus likewise knows me!
 
Jesus will continue to save, heal and deliver me, as He has so many times before.  And as I fix my eyes on Him, He will accomplish whatever He chooses to do through me, big or small, easy or hard.  My part is to keep praying and keep stepping in the direction He leads.   And to keep praising Him no matter what.  Not just because He’s answering my prayers, but simply because He is so good, kind and faithful!