TOSSING AND TURNING TOWARD HEAVEN

​Lately i’ve been tossing and turning a lot while i sleep, and last night was no exception.  First i had a sexual dream which was so crafty, so vivid yet subtle, that it took me awhile to shake it off after i woke up.  So i asked God to help me ward off that kind of attack while i’m sleeping, just like twenty years ago, when He first taught me how to ward off sexual attacks while i’m awake.  But this time when i dozed off again, i didn’t sleep soundly because i was trying to discern spirits and sleep at the same time.
 
As far as i know, i didn’t have any more sexual dreams, but i ended up having a worldly dream.  i’ve been having a lot of those lately.  Although they’re rooted in striving and definitely not from God, they stem from a long season of my life when i was responsible for a lot of people and money and so they kind of creep in under my radar while i’m snoozing.  Last night’s version was again so subtle and crafty that it took awhile for me to recognize what was going on - that it was only a dream - and shake it off after i woke up.  This morning i realized that my way forward out of these attacks, whatever form they take, is way simpler than i had envisioned: i just need to abide in Jesus as fully while i’m asleep as i do when i’m awake!  Or even more so, because whenever i’m not overflowing with Christ’s Spirit the enemy seizes my slumber as a chance to smear me with filth.
 
Of course, God is still sovereign over everything that happens to me.  He has actually reassured me that He is using these attacks to build my faith while i’m sleeping and develop my ability to rest in Christ amid trials.  He has led me into this dark valley for His name’s sake, and He wants to be my comfort even when the rod He’s using to guide me is a demon.  Here’s how He explained it to me, many years ago:
 
“I’m taking the gloves off,” God says, preparing me like a football coach does his team, beating them down to toughen them up.  Although i've been delivered from impure spirits like striving, i'm still vulnerable to them.  i mustn’t fear, for i have new freedom, strength and power, but i mustn’t be naive; i'm like a finely-tuned machine that breaks down if grime invades my inner workings.
 
God has removed my fleshly, worldly and religious defenses, including old-covenant rule- and habit-based protections against evil, replacing them with the new-covenant protection of His love.  Although His love is superior in every respect, it doesn’t operate the old way, through striving; it works by His Spirit.  i must live by love not rules, totally in the new covenant Who is Jesus, to remain healthy and strong.  
 
Angels guard me as i abide in love, keeping evil in check and clearing my path, but i’m vulnerable if i fail to fully abide 24/7.  Satan may prod me, searching for any realm of my life not completely surrendered to God, but as i make God my one and only refuge, evil won’t prevail.  God is completely sovereign over everything that happens to me; nothing happens He doesn't permit, and every hard thing – illness, injury, nightmare, attack, sin, evil - God will turn to blessing, redeeming it for my victory and His glory. The battle is His and He aims to win one hundred percent of the time.  10/20/15
 
It’s very reassuring to me that these words God spoke into me nine years ago still precisely describe what i’m enduring today.  Yet i wonder if i shouldn’t have moved beyond all these attacks by now.
 
Thank You, Father, for being such a great father and for taking such good care of me.  Thank You, Holy Spirit, for reminding me of what You first shared with me years ago.  Thank You, Jesus, that You are my refuge and my way forward, every day.  Please help me fully and continuously abide in You.