TRUE REFUGE

Last night Karen and i watched a movie called Moms Night Out, a comedy about women seeking a break from the relentless demands of parenting.  It’s considered a Christian movie, probably because it was made by folks who make that type of film, and it was remarkably free of bad language, sexual innuendo or twisted references to addictive substances or lifestyle choices that make most Hollywood movies impossible for me to watch.  The characters were well developed - not just the principal ones but also the supporting ones - the acting was great, and it was really funny in an almost slapstick way, without ever becoming crude.  So there was a lot to recommend it, and i imagine most Christians who watch it would be pleased with their choice.
 
But apparently that movie wasn’t good for me, because last night after i went to bed i was fidgety for hours.  i got attacked with an ungodly dream - one i’d experienced before - and this morning i have a severe bout of tinnitus.  All those signs suggest the movie might have been too worldly for me.
 
Do not love the world or anything in the world.  If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.  1 John 2:15
 
God wants to be my refuge from the stresses of life, and He doesn’t want me to find my refuge in the world.  There are times, of course, when i need a break from my routine, but what my spirit-man craves is peace, stillness and rest, not a night on the town.  The movie, on the other hand, infected me with a worldly spirit, and i can literally hear it; it sounds like the high-frequency buzz you might hear if you get too close to a high-voltage transmission line.  For me, there’s powerful tension in the spiritual atmosphere surrounding that movie, and it’s unnerving to my soul.
 
Fortunately, the more i focus on God the more the tension dissipates, like a hangover dissolves when a healing remedy is applied.  i’m grateful for that - that God is my refuge and my healer, and He leads me to choose Him over counterfeits that don’t satisfy.  For God says, “Be wise about what is good and simple about what is evil.” 1
 
In other words, God is good, staying filled with Him is best, and whatever lacks faith in Him is evil! 2
 
i’m grateful for the sensitivity the Father is growing in me, which enables me to cherish His amazing heart and give Him the honor He is due.  Since He is Spirit i’m sensitive to all things spiritual - the good, the bad and the ugly - and it’s fitting that i suffer the consequences of my poor choices, because i should know better.  By His grace i do know better, and so this morning i asked for His forgiveness, and received it.  Thank You, Jesus!
 
Yet God didn’t stop there, by just forgiving me; He redeemed my error to raise anew the life of His Son in me!  For throughout the past couple of weeks, as i prayed for many people, “Today, when you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts,” 3 i myself struggled with a hardened heart.  It surfaced in my inability to focus on God - to fix my eyes on Jesus - while i worship Him.  Even after i had repented from failing to do what He had called me to do - to take up my instrument and play - i struggled to actually make my worship of Him to be about Him.  Instead i kept focusing on how i was singing and how i was playing my keyboard, which didn’t seem very good to me, and it certainly wasn’t getting any better by trying to do better.

It was classic wretchedness - the good i wanted to do i didn’t do, but the evil i didn’t want to do, i kept on doing. 4  Over the past week, as i wrestled with not even wanting to pick up my keyboard because the way i was using it to worship was painful to me and to God, i confessed my battle to God, although not very adequately my sin.  Praise God that He met me where i was at - in that downcast, Psalm 42 sort of place - and redeemed me from the pit i was wallowing in!
 
Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name.  Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits - Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, Who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.  Psalms 103:1-5
 
This morning after i wrote this piece about my descent into worldliness and the tinnitus it triggered, i wanted to thank God for forgiving me, and this time when i picked up my instrument and played, it was different.  This time i was more able to praise God with a sincere heart and not focus so much on my singing or playing.  This time i didn’t try so hard to perform the music as it was written, but i found a style more suitable to my heart and ability.  i stayed in the lower octave most of the time, and only took it up a notch at the end, when i was feeling it and my vocal chords were ready to sing it, and it turned out pretty good.  It wasn’t perfect, of course, but i didn’t care so much about that today; i just wanted to express my love to God and thank Him for being so good to me.
 
Isn’t that amazing - how just as that psalm says, He redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with with love and compassion?  My Spirit-man is truly renewed today, and my heart is soaring into heavenly realms, just as i sang!
 
I choose this day to be grateful, Lord
I give You praise with an open heart
I'm waking up to heaven
I'm waking up to You
 
For always being good, thank You
For Your mercies that are new, thank You
In Spirit and in truth, thank You
I’m telling You thank You 5
 

 1  Romans 16:19
 2  Romans 14:23
 3  Hebrews 3:16
 4  Romans 7:19
 5   You and You Alone by Upperroom